A Voice Calling Out

Love is always patient and kind…It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceded…It is never rude or selfish. Does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other peoples sins but delights in the truth…It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endeavor what ever comes.

“Anything can happen if you just believe.” Is a favorite quote that my life is based upon. But, I also have a strong belief that everything happens for a reason. These two morals either play the same game or compete for a trophy that represents my path. I just recently had a 3 week break from school, the second big break I have had since I started, and I have come to the conclusion that I live in two seperate worlds, a reality and a dream. When I first moved to Minnesota I was scared out of my mind to leave my family, but excited to get out and pursue the impossible… that dream career.

Home will always been in the country, the smell of fresh air, a chance to always see the stars, and just that look of freedom. You cant really see the stars in the city, or smell the air ( wouldnt recomend it) but yet I feel the most free here. During the breaks I get a chance to reunite with my fiance who has been living his life of working, drinking, and sleeping, which is not the healthest but he doesnt have that dream career or anything else to do in Iowa…his dream is to work to live not live to work. But me I want live my work, give me a purpose. Which is one of our many differences that we see eye to eye on and actually respect eachother for. So I go home see him in his life and didnt really fit in anywhere, what is going on? Since we are best friends we talked about it right away we opened up on a different level and came to the understanding that distance is a bitch. We both have the same longterm goal, to be together. We work things out again, and with just a simple look I am finally home.

Then I go to see my mother (MY HERO) and my future step father DAD!! brother, sister and the greatest niece and nephew ever. Thats as far as the family goes.. maybe my aunt but thats about it. When I see the fam for the first time we hug we kiss and say I miss you…then silence I never really know what to say anymore because anything to say always leds to the bad stuff that has happend in the past. Which really does feel like home but the home I was dying to escape from and hide from others. So I am back again feeling like I dont belong and want to go back to school.

So I am home in Iowa on the same awesome level with chris and the same disfunctional level with my faimly. ( reality) We say good bye very hard to part again because of the deep pain feelings that are still kept inside or put to the side. I return to Minnesota and with one simple look of familar faces and I am home. I return to school and the goodbye hugs and kisses are no longer on my mind, I have become free. Yeah there is stress here, but not same stress I have had before where I question what god is doing, because here my morals are finally playing the same game…my dream.

I know I know what most of you are thinking…”Why the hell is Erin blogging?” I’m ok… really! To quote a good friend “In all honesty…” I just want to vent and express the things exploding in my fantastical brain. So soon when I figure out how to begin. This is just the preliminary blog before the actual blogs to come….ok ok you caught me I dont know what I am doing:) but it should be a blasty.